First Base Conversation

FIRST BASE CONVERSATION

Written by

Andie Hong

SFX : BALLPARK ORGAN MUSIC / A BAT HITTING A BASEBALL

Luke is on the stage with a baseball glove. James enters and stands near which is presumably first base.

LUKE
Single, huh?

JAMES
Ya, so? that’s fine. I’m not lonely. I live with my family. I live with my brother and his girlfriend and his two baby mamas and my mom and her boyfriend and my dad and his mistress and her boyfriend. And My cat and the 5 other cats he impregnated. So it’s a full house. Ya know?

LUKE
Umh… Ya, for sure, it sounds like you have the beginnings of a great new FOX sitcom there, but what I meant was that you just HIT a single, huh?

JAMES
Oh shit. Yeah. I hit a single, alright.

James goes back to concentrating on the next batter. Luke talks to him.

LUKE
So… You think you’re gonna try and reach second base?

JAMES
For fuck’s sake. I just told you. I don’t have a girlfriend! And it’s seriously not like I don’t try. Do you have any idea how hard I try? I’ve been on so many ok cupid dates and now I’m pretty sure ok cupid is gonna ban me. There’s even a goddamned facebook group now warning local girls not to go on dates with me. There wasn’t a single girl I didn’t like but not a single one showed any interest in me! Now of course there’s the escorts option but did you know there’s even a different facebook group for hookers not to sleep with me. And you know… us minor leaguers. 20 grand a year is a hard life.

Luke holds James and turns his body to where the third base coach, Joe is standing. Luke points at Joe who waves back in a friendly way.

LUKE
Would you just look at your third base coach? He’s been signalling for you to steal second base since you got here. So are you gonna try to reach second base or what?

JAMES
(embarrassed)
Shit. It’s too late now. My batter just got struck out.

James try to focus on the next batter in the box. Luke talks to him again.

LUKE
You know what you should do in your situation? You should totally switch sides and play for the other team.

JAMES
No no no no. I’m not gay, alright? I know I’ve been having a hard time getting girls and I know I’m still a virgin, but that doesn’t mean, I should be gay, Ya know?

LUKE
No. That’s not what I meant. Big city escorts are expensive. Maybe you wanna move to a smaller city so you can afford. Ya know what I mean?

JAMES
(embarrassed)
Umh… I guess.

LUKE
Well, I think it’s time for you to score now.

JAMES
What’s your game here, huh? What are you trying to do? Fine, I’m gonna fucking go gay because no girls will ever like me and no girls will ever sleep with me! Is that what you want to hear, Ya happy now? I’m gonna fucking kill you!

James grabs Luke angrily by the collar and begins to choke him.

LUKE
First… it’s a ball game here and secondly… your hitter just hit a double… you should really score…

James screams in anger and panic.

JAMES
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

James tries to run to second base but it’s too late. The relay throw from the outfield has already reached the base and he’s tagged out.

LUKE
So long, Bat boy!

JAMES
Fuck off, asshole.

  • The End

** Sorry! The script is copyrighted!! You cannot copy or use it without author’s permission **

*** Andie Hong is a filmmaker, writer, comedian whose life is dependent on baseball. Please pity her and check out her website, follow her on twitter and like her on facebook.

Andie Hong

Andie Hong is a filmmaker, writer, comedian whose life is dependent on baseball. Please pity her and check out her website, follow her on twitter and like her on facebook.

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